Aaaaand We're Back! With A Centipede Drama.

Remember how I told you that you might not hear from me for a week or two? Well, make that a month apparently. We're officially all moved in and mostly unpacked. Not so bad! It's actually starting to feel like home. There's always those things that you find after you move into a new apartment, though, like the fact that we don't have lukewarm water (we have cold, hot, and boil your insides), or that all the faucets are backwards, or that all the floors are crooked, or you don't actually have an address. Generally, I think that our house was built by a left-handed Pollock. Also, there's bugs. There are bugs in my house, you guys.

They aren't adorable, handsome bugs like this guy, either.

 Where's Allie Brosh when you need her? I need a hilarious MS Paint picture of me cowering in a corner with a bottle of Raid.

When we moved in, there was a considerable amount of webs and bugs and things, but I figured that it had been empty for a month...these things are bound to happen. Well, this is what I thought until that fateful day...

I mean, it's not like we have an infestation, but one bug is seriously too many. Last Friday, Adam and I are hanging out in the office (which I have not yet used for blogging, BTW), watching True Blood, having a glass of wine, and generally relaxing when here comes this Goliath of a centipede racing across the floor. And I mean RACING. Holy shit are those bastards fast. So, at this point, I start screaming at the top of my lungs and pull the classic "dumb bitch in a horror movie". I run INTO the corner because for some reason I think that's a good idea. Now, I don't have any recollection of this part, but I can thank Adam for filling me in after I got my heart to stop beating out of my chest, I start screaming, "Stop" and "No" at it, obviously expecting this centipede to speak English and cease it's running directly towards me. Well folks, I'll inform you: Centipedes do not speak English. At this point, I'm cowering the in the corner using my easel as a shield, because THAT'S appropriate, and this thing is still hell bent on crawling on my feet (I just know that's what he was thinking), so I use the only weapon at hand, and throw my easel at it. I threw an easel. At a centipede. It's like the adrenaline rushed mom lifting a car off of a baby. Except it's me screaming like I'm being murdered throwing an easel at a centipede. I cannot even begin to imagine what the neighbors thought. (Sorry, neighbors!) I only succeed in hitting Adam with the easel and the centipede gets away. Five days later, I still won't go into the office without a chaperone. So then, yesterday, I'm reading about how to get rid of/prevent this situation from happening again, and I read that they can live for THREE TO SEVEN YEARS. I hope that little bastard found his way out of the office. Please, oh please, oh please, let him find his way out of the office. Or hopefully I scared the living shit out of him and he had a little centipede heart attack somewhere behind my bookshelf.

Scariest picture on the internet. The centipede in my office was a cross between this thing and King Kong.

 We do have spiders in the basement and on the porches, which can be expected, and tiny, tiny millipedes. The millipedes are actually kinda cute. They're just like little black inchworms. And I can't see their legs, so we're cool. Also, I'm starting to be okay with the spiders. As long as they're not huge and/or hairy or on me, we're cool. They eat other bugs, such as said centipede, so as long as they do their fucking job, I won't kill them. After Friday's incident, I did kill a few on the porch to set an example. Tell your friends, spiders.

Also in my research of creepy crawlies yesterday, I found this stuff, Eco Exempt D. It's eco-friendly, all natural, and will apparently kill just about anything including ants, centipedes, cockroaches, crickets, firebrats (whatever those are), fleas, millipedes, pill bugs, scorpions, sowbugs, spiders, hornets, wasps, bees, and yellow jackets. Mother fuckers are going down. I just ordered it on the internets yesterday, but I can't wait for it to get here. I gladly fronted the $40 in exchange for Adam spraying the house. He can do the gross boy jobs, thanks. Once we get it sprayed, I'll let you guys know how it works out. Hopefully, it doesn't kill my cat either. It's good for six to twelve months, too, which is pretty cool.

Oh, the adventures of moving. Sheesh.