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Aaaaand We're Back! With A Centipede Drama.

Remember how I told you that you might not hear from me for a week or two? Well, make that a month apparently. We're officially all moved in and mostly unpacked. Not so bad! It's actually starting to feel like home. There's always those things that you find after you move into a new apartment, though, like the fact that we don't have lukewarm water (we have cold, hot, and boil your insides), or that all the faucets are backwards, or that all the floors are crooked, or you don't actually have an address. Generally, I think that our house was built by a left-handed Pollock. Also, there's bugs. There are bugs in my house, you guys.

They aren't adorable, handsome bugs like this guy, either.

 Where's Allie Brosh when you need her? I need a hilarious MS Paint picture of me cowering in a corner with a bottle of Raid.

When we moved in, there was a considerable amount of webs and bugs and things, but I figured that it had been empty for a month...these things are bound to happen. Well, this is what I thought until that fateful day...

I mean, it's not like we have an infestation, but one bug is seriously too many. Last Friday, Adam and I are hanging out in the office (which I have not yet used for blogging, BTW), watching True Blood, having a glass of wine, and generally relaxing when here comes this Goliath of a centipede racing across the floor. And I mean RACING. Holy shit are those bastards fast. So, at this point, I start screaming at the top of my lungs and pull the classic "dumb bitch in a horror movie". I run INTO the corner because for some reason I think that's a good idea. Now, I don't have any recollection of this part, but I can thank Adam for filling me in after I got my heart to stop beating out of my chest, I start screaming, "Stop" and "No" at it, obviously expecting this centipede to speak English and cease it's running directly towards me. Well folks, I'll inform you: Centipedes do not speak English. At this point, I'm cowering the in the corner using my easel as a shield, because THAT'S appropriate, and this thing is still hell bent on crawling on my feet (I just know that's what he was thinking), so I use the only weapon at hand, and throw my easel at it. I threw an easel. At a centipede. It's like the adrenaline rushed mom lifting a car off of a baby. Except it's me screaming like I'm being murdered throwing an easel at a centipede. I cannot even begin to imagine what the neighbors thought. (Sorry, neighbors!) I only succeed in hitting Adam with the easel and the centipede gets away. Five days later, I still won't go into the office without a chaperone. So then, yesterday, I'm reading about how to get rid of/prevent this situation from happening again, and I read that they can live for THREE TO SEVEN YEARS. I hope that little bastard found his way out of the office. Please, oh please, oh please, let him find his way out of the office. Or hopefully I scared the living shit out of him and he had a little centipede heart attack somewhere behind my bookshelf.

Scariest picture on the internet. The centipede in my office was a cross between this thing and King Kong.

 We do have spiders in the basement and on the porches, which can be expected, and tiny, tiny millipedes. The millipedes are actually kinda cute. They're just like little black inchworms. And I can't see their legs, so we're cool. Also, I'm starting to be okay with the spiders. As long as they're not huge and/or hairy or on me, we're cool. They eat other bugs, such as said centipede, so as long as they do their fucking job, I won't kill them. After Friday's incident, I did kill a few on the porch to set an example. Tell your friends, spiders.

Also in my research of creepy crawlies yesterday, I found this stuff, Eco Exempt D. It's eco-friendly, all natural, and will apparently kill just about anything including ants, centipedes, cockroaches, crickets, firebrats (whatever those are), fleas, millipedes, pill bugs, scorpions, sowbugs, spiders, hornets, wasps, bees, and yellow jackets. Mother fuckers are going down. I just ordered it on the internets yesterday, but I can't wait for it to get here. I gladly fronted the $40 in exchange for Adam spraying the house. He can do the gross boy jobs, thanks. Once we get it sprayed, I'll let you guys know how it works out. Hopefully, it doesn't kill my cat either. It's good for six to twelve months, too, which is pretty cool.

Oh, the adventures of moving. Sheesh.

Hey! It's obscure Soul Coughing/Mike Doughty day!

Well, at least it is in my world. Sorry for the lack of posts, folks. It's been pretty crazy around here with all the working and the moving and the unpacking. *whew* In the mean time, enjoy these lesser-known gems from the Monster Man.

"Lemon Lime" (I don't think anyone could have picked a less attractive picture of Doughty for this song.) This song was only on the Japanese version of Irresistible Bliss, along with "Blow My Only".



"Needle to the Bar" - An outtake from El Oso, featuring DJ Casual from Hieroglyphics. 



"Rare Star Ball" - Oh, those Japanese, how do they always get the good stuff? This song was released on the Japanese version of El Oso.

Sex Dungeon For Sale is now for the illiterate!

Remember that hilarious guy, Patrick Wensink, with the hilarious book of short stories called Sex Dungeon For Sale? Well, yeah, now there's a short little movie thing done by Hank Rothrock and Bradley Buehring. It's super awesome and I appreciate how they didn't try to add anything or make it over the top, it's just the story. The story was awesome to begin with...why fix what's not broken? (Tell that to Hollywood, I know.)

I don't know who the actors were, but the female first time home buyer cracks me right the fuck up at the end (UPDATE! Hey! That's the author's wife! How cool!) That shrug is just priceless.


Dear Fictional Girl,
Your fictional boyfriend is lame. In the words of Dan Savage, "DTMFA" and get yourself a Sex Dungeon!
Sincerely,
That Girl With A Blog

The Last Airbender

It's taken every ounce of my self control not to title this "Avatar". Goddamn James Cameron has to screw everything up. I remember when the first rumors started flying about this movie and I started seeing previews and I was like, "Why is everyone blue?", "What the hell IS this movie?" Now, I see why I was so confused.

For those not familiar with the show, from the Wikipedia:

One hundred years ago, a twelve-year-old Airbender named Aang learns he is the new Avatar, the only person in his generation capable of controlling and manipulating all four elements to his will and the one tasked with maintaining peace between the Four Nations of the world. Fearful of the heavy responsibilities of being the Avatar, Aang flees from home on his animal guide, a flying bison called Appa. Caught by a fierce storm, they crash into the ocean, and Aang's protective Avatar State freezes them in a state of suspended animation inside an iceberg. Right after his disappearance, Fire Lord Sozin launches a genocidal campaign against the Air Nomads in hopes of wiping out the Avatar so he can achieve his plot for the Fire Nation to rule the world.
In the present, Aang becomes unfrozen by a fourteen-year-old Waterbender girl named Katara, and her older warrior brother, Sokka from the Southern Water Tribe. This attracts the attention of Zuko, the Prince of the Fire Nation who was exiled by his father: The current Fire Lord Ozai. Arriving to Southern Water Tribe, Zuko demands the elderly under the impression that Avatar is an old person until Aang is found. Aang surrenders himself to Zuko as long as he agrees to leave the village alone. Aboard Zuko's ship, Aang is at Zuko's mercy, but he eventually manages to maneuver away from the guards before Katara and Sokka arrive on Appa, making their escape. Aang and friends visit the Southern Air Temple where the Avatar learns that he was in the ice for a century and the Fire Nation wiped out every on he knew there, entering the Avatar State and meeting a dragon spirit. It was there Aang meets up with the only known remaining "winged lemurbat", naming it "Momo" as it joins Aang's group. Meanwhile, Zuko and his uncle, the military genius Iroh, run into Commander Zhao, who belittles the exiled prince.
Arriving in a small Earth Kingdom town that is controlled by the Fire Nation, Aang's group are arrested while helping a boy named Haru. They then incite a rebellion with an inspiring speech. Soon after, Katara finds a waterbending scroll that she uses to perfect her skills while helping Aang master waterbending as they make their way to the Northen Water Tribe and liberate more Earth Kingdom villages in the process. During a side track to the Northern Air Temple on his own, Aang is captured by a group of Fire Nation Yuu Yan archers, commanded by Admiral Zhao. However, a masked marauder, the "Blue Spirit," rescues Aang from Zhao before being knocked unconscious during the escape. Discovering that his rescuer is Zuko, Aang takes him to safety under a cloak of fog before leaving him to continue his journey. Aware that Zuko is the "Blue Spirit," Zhao arranges the prince's demise. But Zuko survives the attempt on his life and, with Iroh's help, sneaks aboard Zhao's lead ship as his fleet departs for the Northern Water Tribe to execute the plan he and Ozai set up with the scrolls from the Library detailing the spirits there.
Upon arriving, Aang's group is welcomed warmly by the citizens of the Northern Water Tribe as Sokka falls in love with princess Yue while Aang and Katara master their waterbending skills under Pakku. Once the Fire Nation armada arrives, Zhao begins his attack while Zuko infiltrates the tribe on his own, capturing Aang while he entered the spirit world to find the dragon spirit to give him the wisdom to defeat the Fire Nation. Coming to, Aang battles Zuko before Katara freezes him. As the battles escalates, Iroh is unable to stop Zhao's plan to slay the moon spirit Tui, causing the waterbenders to lose their ability to waterbend. However, Yue, who was imbued with some of the energy of the Moon spirit when she was a newborn, sacrifices her life to revive the Moon spirit. As Zhao is drowned by Waterbenders after Zuko and Iroh leave him to his fate, Aang uses the ocean to drive the armada back. When news of Zhao's death and Iroh's betrayal reaches him, Ozai appoints his daughter Azula to pursue Aang and hinder him in any way before Sozin's Comet makes its return in three years' time.

And that's only the first book!

This movie was far better than I expected it to be. There's both pros and cons for people who have watched the show and people who haven't. The movie is separated into the same "books" as the show, just a lot more cut. I'll tell you right now, M. Night Shyamalan: If you don't make the sequels to this movie, I will hunt you down and murder you. I need the Earth book! It was the best one! If they were to actually film the entire season, it would have been a gajillion hour movie, though, so I do kinda get it. It was missing a lot of the character story and a whole lot of the comic relief. Sokka isn't nearly as funny as he is in the show, and you hardly see Momo. It's not the casting that I'm complaining about, because quite frankly, they did a wonderful job of that, it's just that they didn't allow enough time to actually inform you of who these people are. Aang and Katara were just about perfect. Prince Zuko's scar should have been more prominent, though. If your dad's the kinda guy that's gonna burn your face, I'm sure he's gonna do a good job. Appa was amazing! Absolutely awesome. I want an Appa! ZOMG ride-able Appa! I guess this will be as close as I get.

Even if you've never seen the show, it's a marvelous story. You won't be wow-ed with the 3D, though. It's got nothin' on James Camron's Avatar or Tim Burton's Alice. I really don't know why it's gotten such terrible reviews. And this racism outcry is utter bullshit. It's Hollywood, folks. You really expected anything different? And why does it even matter? Darin Miller makes some great points over at Big Hollywood. Why didn't anyone freak out when they cast Jake Gyllenthal as Dastan in Prince of Persia? Why was Dev Patel (Prince Zuko) ethnic enough to be in Slumdog Millionaire, but not The Last Airbender? People just need to calm the fuck down and enjoy a good movie when it comes around. Who really cares? Women play men, men play women, blacks play whites, whites play blacks. I don't give a shit who you are or what color you are, I care about your fucking acting. And seriously, this movie is FICTION. It's not a Muslim Abe Lincoln or a Iranian George Washington.

I am the worst person for watching movies. I actually can't watch them at home because I'm always getting up and doing things or fidgeting around and I always miss parts then I don't know what's going on. This is the first time that I have ever said this in my life, but: This movie is TOO SHORT. I couldn't believe it wasn't a three hour movie. It was barely half of that, and it felt so much shorter. Action packed is not a strong enough term for this movie. Riveting. Riveting might do it. It's pretty hard to keep my attention for more than oh, half an hour, but this movie did just that.

I did have someone ask me if it was worth it to see it in the theater, since the 3D isn't that great. Still, my answer is yes. The vast lands and just seeing all that action on the big screen was enough for my $12 or whatever the hell they're charging for 3D movies these days. You don't necessarily have to see it in the 3D theater, but definitely see it in the theater. This movie gets and A, a serious A.