Who needs coffee when you have Ruckus Roboticus?

So, I'm super crazy busy today, and every day in general as of right now, but I wanted to throw some of these incredibly funky beats your way. Check out Ruckus Roboticus, DJ and Ohisian, but don't hold that against him. Actually, he's playing near Dayton on July 17, 2010, and I'm half tempted to make the four hour trek. We'll see what happens. From his website:

Born from the industrial powers of Dayton, Ohio, Ruckus Roboticus has risen to unleash his fury of funk, hip-hop and mischief. Part turntable, half drum machine, all sex machine; the robotic wonder has continually electrified listeners with his colorful and imaginative world of sound.

When he's not busy remixing the stars (Bloc Party, Lady Tigra, Vampire Weekend, Pase Rock), or winning "Best DJ Mix" awards from Rockstar Games, Scion, and Solid Steel Radio, this bot can be found tearing the roof off of your local dancehall, art gallery, fashion show, and house party with a fierce live-set.  His sharp skills and diverse selection have landed him countless shows across country, and even a few in the U.K., Canada and South Korea.  He's rocked on stage with Crystal Castles, RJD2, The Juan Maclean, Peanut Butter Wolf,  Prince Paul, DJ Jazzy Jeff, DJ Food, The Rub DJs, DJ Premier, Mitsu The Beats, and Mr. Lif.  And he has heads nodding to his beats featured on Nickelodeon, MTV, and a Progressive Car Insurance commercial... It's no wonder his fans call him "the second hardest working man in show business."

At the beginning of 2008, Ruckus quietly infiltrated the iPods & Turntables of the world with his long-awaited debut album,  "Playing with Scratches" (Grease Records, 2008).  While the album didn't quite reach the Pop Charts, his tracks nonetheless dazzled critics and DJ's alike, gaining support from indie juggernauts KCRW (Los Angeles), WFMU (New York), KEXP (Seattle), WOXY (Cincinnati), and others, eventually catapulting the album into the CMJ Top Ten.  Tracks were also supported by The World Cafe (NPR), XM Satellite Radio, Rob Da Bank (BBC Radio 1), Annie Mac (BBC Radio 1), Solid Steel Radio (London), The Blend Corp. (Australia), Brooklyn Radio, and Spin Magazine.

"Playing With Scratches" reached another level it was ranked in WOXY's 97 Best Albums of 2008 (alongside albums by Santogold, TV On The Radio, Portishead, Beck, MGMT...), and Ruckus was declared one of the "Next 1000" by Urb Magazine.  In royal fashion, he was crowned an official member of Ninja Tune's Solid Steel Radio, joining Cold Cut, DJ Food, DK and other top-notch DJs in producing the weekly radio show that broadcasts "The Broadest Beats" around the world.

Despite his continued success, Ruckus remains in relative obscurity in Ohio, working endlessly in the studio on a slew of new remixes, music for television, and his next solo LP. Song by song, and mix by mix, Ruckus continues to capture the hearts & minds of music lovers around the world.  It's only a matter of time until the whole world realizes, this is the dawning of The Age Of Roboticus.

"Chicks"



Shit, there's no video for "Jump In". You can check out that track and many more over on his Myspace. You can also follow him on Twitter, check him out on his website, and like him on the ol' Facebook. It'll certainly get your blood flowing on a Monday. 

Chemical Brothers - Further

Oh, hey there, 1996, what's goin' on? It's been a while. Nice to see you're making a come back.

So, the Chemical Brothers have released their new album, Further, and well...it's pretty awesome, actually. It seems like 2007's We Are the Night was a hiccup in a pretty linear growth in music. Not that it was a bad album, it just wasn't nearly as cohesive as previous efforts from the British electronic duo.

(Wait, side note, can I just say how awesome it is to actually be blogging again?! And here, I was worried. Shit, it's like riding a bike...)

Further starts off a little abstract with "Snow". A glitchy, feedback ridden track, it's definitely in their more psychedelic niche. The album quickly dives into what made the Chemical Brothers a household name in electronic music, a recognizable formula of synth and beats. Just enough to keep you moving, but not enough to make your heart explode, a la Happy Hardcore. While this album does get the blood thumping, it is missing the usual slamming, driving track like the infamous "Block Rockin' Beats" or "Star Guitar". Also missing from this album are predominant vocals and big name collaborations. Not that I'm really, missing them, though.

After We Are the Night and Push the Button, I think it was just better for them to tear down and rebuild, rather than trying to add on. A lot of this album is back to basics, experimental electronic music, which is never a bad thing. Not back to basics as in break beats, but back to basics as in this is pure, electronic music. Simple, not boring. As for the vocals, they feature American singer-songwriter Stephanie Dosen in a few, spacey tracks, which she's perfect for. There is not a chorus to be found on this album, only chants and whispers.

Among the best tracks on the album are "Escape Velocity", a twelve minute expanse of...build. That's what this track is all about, and it's flawless. Jesus, after making music for twenty years, they better get that shit right. It's perfect. It's one of those tracks and before you know it, you're groovin' right along. And then there's "Wonders of the Deep", which is very reminiscent of the David Guetta/David Bowie situation on "Just For One Day (Heroes) [Extended Version]". Not in the vocal sense, but the musical sense.

If you've ever, and I mean EVER, enjoyed the Chemical Brothers, check out this album. It's a throw back to the golden days of early EDM, which makes me just the tiniest bit nostalgic. It would fit right in on that old school electronic play list. You can check out all eight tracks for free over on their Myspace. B

You can also check out their site for more info.

"Escape Velocity"
(Another side note: God, it's nice to have working videos. I don't think Blogspot could have made it more annoying to import videos/music. That's why I just gave up on them!)

It's Done!!!

The importing is FINALLY done.

Sweet mother of god, that terribly, arduous process is done. I ended up doing the vast majority of the import manually, thanks to every importer sucking my lady-balls. A lot of the pictures and video from the old posts are gone, but rest assured, they will be in all the new posts.

It's been so long I think I've forgotten how to blog. Seriously.

Thanks for waiting around during that process, I promise I'll have something new for you very soon!

And to all the old fans, please make sure to update your RSS feeds! For the new folks, check out all the cool stuff going on on the "Contacts" page.

The A-Team Movie Review or Why I Began To Worry and Pray For A Nuclear Bomb!)

So, as you can see, I'm still in the process of moving the blog over from Wordpress. Manually. All those importers suck. If you know of one that doesn't suck, let me know. In the meantime, have this absolutely hysterical review from the incredibly talented Dave Rahner. I just got this this morning and I've shot coffee out of my nose. Twice. Enjoy!

Ho.

Lee.

SHITFUCKGODDAMNCOCKSUCKINGMOTHERFUCKINGHELL!!!!! These are the words I use to describe a movie so spectacularly shitty, that, to save time, I have taken a cue from the nostalgia critic and made up a new word for it:

SHITACULAR!

Rolls right off the tongue, doesn't it? Seriously, I am now dumber from having watched this movie. I have forgotten how to write this movie is so SHITACULAR. I am actually dictating this whole review to my assistant, Anathema DeVice. The only reason I have escaped from going full blown Helen Keller was that I refused to pay for a ticket. I'd rather have people think I was going to go see Marmaduke the movie instead. At least the producers of the A-Team won't get royalties from me. That made me feel a bit better.

Just a bit.

I, I, I..... I don't even know where to begin. There are just sooooooooooooooo many things to hate with this movie. If I had to write about EVERYTHING I hated about this movie, I'd have to regrow the Amazon Rainforest, wait six thousand years, then chop the whole rainforest over again so I could have enough paper to cover it all. But, since I'm such a nice guy (reference needed) and BP has already done enough irreparable damage to this planet (ZING! Seriously, BP.... Fuck you guys), I'll just boil it down to the three thing that make the A-Team movie..... (wait for it, wait for it) SHITACULAR!!!!!

1 - Plot
2 - Characterization
3 - Heart

Now let's hurry up and get this over with quickly, I have to go see my anger management therapist ASAP.

As for the plot, the first half of this ridiculously stupid anal discharge, I mean "movie" is ALL setup. How, by sleight of hand and twist of fate, they all came together. This is only important for the victims, I mean viewers, that are too young to have seen or remember the T.V. series. I can understand that. In theory, anyways. What I don't understand is why they have to waste a whole half of a movie doing what the T.V. series did in 22 seconds without ever having showed it! Five minutes of interspersed flashbacks would have gotten the job done just as well in the hands of a halfway decent directive team.

So anyways, shit blows up. They go to jail. Shit blows up again. They escape. Shit blows up for a third, fourth, and fifth time. Nothing entertaining happens. Hollywood douche nozzles piss me off. Then I smash my face into the hand rail as an experiment to see which is less painful; that or this movie. The face smashing is less painful. Credits roll. Anyone with even a smidgen of cinematic taste looks pissed.

This movie relied waaaaaaaaaaaaay (I think that's enough A's, don't you?) too heavily on what is known as willing suspension of disbelief. Willing suspension of disbelief is what make movies happen. That for two hours you can believe a man can fly, that the geek gets the girl, or that there's an energy field created by all living thing that surrounds us and penetrates us and binds the galaxy together. The "A-Team," on the other hand, is to willing suspension of disbelief as a Catholic priest with a Michael Bay boxed set taped to his dick (that's on fire) is to the altar boy of our cherished memories of this T.V. series.

To save you the high dosage of brain damage that WILL occur when you see this SHITACULAR movie, here are some examples:

-Face can be set on fire while trapped in a stack of old tires and only come out looking slightly smudged and tanner.

-That escaped convicts can fly a in free fall by firing into it.

-That said escaped convicts in said tank can slam into a Norwegian fjord at terminally velocity minus the concussive of a firing M-1 Abrams and walk out alive instead of being turned into what would roughly look like Strawberry Smuckers with stale marshmallows in it.

Speaking of walking out, I did at this point. I just couldn't watch this for another hour. But, being the uber-macho man that I am, I smoked a cigarette, listened to 'The Touch' by Stan Bush, let my testicles drop, and marched back in there. Apparently, I'm a masochist. Even more ridiculous shit happens after that, but thanks to five shots of Jameson and several Yuenglings, I don't remember (There IS a God!!)

So that leads me to characterization. It's late; I'll make this easy. I'll describe the T.V. version, then the movie version.

John "Hannibal" Smith (T.V.) - Leader. Loves his men as sons. Master of disguise and an strategist on par with the Patton/Captain America hybrid I'm making in my kitchen. When things go wrong, can come up with a backup plan at the drop of a mohawk.

Hannibal Smith (Movie) - Precognition levels only surpassed by the motherfucking Phoenix Force from the X-Men comics. His only weakness is Deus Ex Machina.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck (T.V.) - Suave, sophisticated, business like con man/ ladies man. Womanizer, sure, but still very likable. We all had a friend like this in high school.

Faceman (Yes, his actual first name) Peck (Movie) - Pretty much a self - loathing lothario since Jessica Biel's character breaks his heart. The equivalent of an over-coked frat boy that just slid your little sister roofies then said (with perfectly manicure eyebrows arched) "I'll take reeeaal good care of her, brah!" who then, after 25 seconds of date rape, plays Halo and spends all night yelling "YEAH!!!!! I JUST PWND YOU, YOU FUCKING N00B FAG!!!!" We all knew a guy like this in college, and wanted to severely beat him.

B.A. Baracus (T.V.) - Mr. Fucking. T. End of story.

B.A. Baracus (Movie) - BECOMES A FUCKING PACIFIST PUSSY HALFWAY THROUGH THE MOVIE!!!!! BLARGGGLEBRGAGKHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! SONS OF BEEE-SHEEEE!!!!!!

And can apparently slide down a 50 story building like he was fucking Spider-Man or some shit.

Murdoch (T.V.) - Comic relief. Actually had you wondering if, much like the Joker, he was actually insane or just someone that enjoyed being himself THAT much.

Murdoch (Movie) - Just annoying. I don't care how good of a pilot he was. I would have shot him in two seconds.

Finally, we are at heart. This won't take long because this movie has none. Zip. Zero. Zilch (I love alliteration). What made the A-Team as a series great was that they always stuck their collective necks out for the little guy, no matter how close they were to being caught. It was even said in the opening:

"If you have a problem; if no one else can help....."

That's where this movie's failing is. You see, a name carries A LOT of authority with it. Certain expectations were to be met. If this movie was Mission: IMPOSSIBLE IV? Well, it still would have been SHITACULAR, but forgivingly SHITACULAR! But it's not Mission: IMPOSSIBLE IV!!!! It's the FUCKING A-TEAM!!!! And them having a movie that doesn't involve them helping out a beleaguered store owner or a small village that's being trampled on by the mafia or a Third World dictatorship just isn't right. It was a wholly selfish 'clear-our-names' story that couldn't even capture their own compassion for other human beings!

My last two comment on this movie are as such.

1: If you're going to make a movie based off of a T.V. series, then make it, oh, I don't know, ENTERTAINING!! You've done it right before, Hollywood! Stop prescribing to the Michael Bay Thorem of Let's Just Blow Shit Up!!! Dragnet, the Dukes of Hazzard, and, God help me, even Sex In The City were true to the source material, and therefore, their fans. Hire writers, directors, and producers that give a shit about the story, not the paycheck!!!!!!

2: Hollywood, you've awoken a dark evil in me. Something.... ancient. Something with the burning fierceness of a billion dark stars. The type of evil that can only be exorcised by a magical, jewel encrusted dagger made from the incisor of the last dragon. Watch yourself, because I'm watching you. And I AM going to get you.

Well, that pretty much wraps it up, I guess. It was pretty cathartic to rip this movie a new asshole so big it looked like a combination Goatse/Divided By Zero demotivational poster. I hope to do this again sometime real soon. In fact, I just got my next assignment. It is, let's see here, JONAH HEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!! GOD DAMN IT ALL! (Editor's note: Sometime real soon has just been pushed back to the third of never. They're still trying to finish cleaning his brains from the ceiling. Services will be held at Hoffs/Drawler Funeral Parlor. Your condolences would be appreciated.)

Hi Everyone!

Hey everybody! I just moved over to Blogspot from WordPress and it's...been an interesting transition to say the least! So please forgive me for what my blog looks like right now! I promise it will get better soon! Especially when I get a chance to get ALL of my stuff imported. Whew!

Also, my comments didn't import! Get to leavin' 'em so it doesn't look so naked around here, haha.


You can check out the beginnings over at http://thatgirlwithablog.wordpress.com/

Some Friday Funky Beats

Sometimes, I love Myspace, but wish it wasn’t such a wasteland of spammers and porn-bots. Once in a great while, though, you find some decent things.
Like this guy, Paul Faulkner’s (aka Wainscott or Luna) beats. Some good, old fashioned, electronic music. From the house tracks released under Wainscott or the trance tracks released under Luna, Faulkner’s bringin’ it back, old school. Great, now I want to go dancing. Curses for living in Pittsburgh.

So for your Friday, have some funky beats to get you through the day. Be sure to catch his other tracks on Myspace, Facebook, or Reverbnation.

"7th Heaven"



"In the System"

Since no one wants to put an actual video of Mike Doughty doing this song on YouTube…

You get this guy doing “Lorna Zauberberg”. Thankfully, he’s pretty good. I’ve been ever so in love with this song since Sad Man Happy Man came out. I’ve periodically checked YouTube since we saw Doughty live back in October, to no avail.

So, check out this guy, Bryce Arthur Hogland, according to his YouTube, covering Mike Doughty’s “Lorna Zauberberg”.


Wait for your train in my car by the station, on the wheel my hands are burning from the cold. What do you dream as you doze against the window and will you tell the dream when you come home?
Virility  is in the house of lesser than and in breakfast we get by on charm alone. The sun beats down on immaculate beige carpets and the plank of spoons bounce off the off-white walls.
I flipped through the music that you left, all the old cassettes that lean against the wall. I ate all the peaches off the shelf and I rearranged the cans into a poem.
Vicious mobs of candy-ravers stalk the night and Methadonians sleep right where they stand. A weeping tranny is cradling a steak knife and you’re happily slugging Rob Royswith your man. (Side note: Think Doughty’s lived in NYC too long?)
I fold all the sweaters in the drawer and I smelled your smell and I held one to my nose. Lay awake to the drizzle on window as the swan neck of the fan sweeps back and forth.

It’s almost the weekend, people. This is all I got.